Just for Laughs. Gags

My dad was so angry today that he wanted to drown a fish


i was so careless today that i trip over a cordless phone =.=



doctor: u look so weak and exhausted.. are u having 3 meals a day as i suggested?female patient : yes doc, im doing what u say thats why im so exhausted




your birth certificate is a apology from the condom factory



One person went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off. “How did this happen?” the doctor asked. “Well I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?” “No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger.”

One person went to the doctor as he was severely overweight..
the doctor suggested : eat regular meals for 2 days, and skip for one day, repeat this for 2 weeks and come back to see me. im sure u would lose 5 kg by then ..
2 weeks later, he went back, the guy lost 20 kg instead
the doctor was amazed so he asked : did u follow my instructions?
the person nodded and said : i almost dropped dead on the day when i skipped
the doctor ask : becoz of hunger?
the person reply : no ,becoz of skipping..